Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Struggling for Creativity Time...

Man friend and I slept through our alarms this morning. I thought I heard a vibration at 6:45am and said something to him along the lines of "do you hear something vibrating?" to which I received no response and went back to sleep. That, of course, was our alarm. We woke up, bright and chipper at 8:06 am Ha! I rushed to get ready (and still look darn good I think) but right now, I can feel how tired my body is. It could be partially to the Kayem cookout they had here at work where I took my fair share but I am also feeling a little Blah from the work and blah from the sleep or lack thereof.
The trouble I am encountering these days is that I am not as young as I used to be. I used to get my motivation around 9pm and be up until the wee hours of the morning working on a painting or some craft I just had to finish. I would get up when I needed to and be fine the whole day. I might have crashed when I got home but I always made it through the day. Not the case anymore. I get freakin' tired!

I do most of my work on my "hobby" after my 9-5 job as a project manager. It's a good job. It pays well. I am able to work on my hobby because I make enough to pay for supplies to an extent.... but I am left unfulfilled, everyday. I am bored with the lack of creativity that I have in my 9-5 job. I do what I do and I do it well but it doesn't make me happy. I don't hate it but like a tire with a slow leak, I think I am losing a bit of my soul everyday that I come to work and feel unfullfilled. I know, I know... a little dramatic but it's kind of how I feel.

I am struggling to find my creative voice and fine tune it. If only I had more time, or more sleep, or a funner job, or more time in the day, or a bigger alarm clock. If only.

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