Wednesday, July 16, 2014

How Becoming a Mother Has Made Me Different Types of Crazy

I had Wes two months ago, well two months ago this coming Sunday. It has been an adventure let me tell you, one that I have loved but having said that.... I am a changed woman. A whole new world has been opened up to me and all I can tell you is that I have become crazy, in so many ways. Yep, crazy is the right word to describe it. Let me explain...

Crazy about Human Babies and Animal Young Alike- A Robin built a nest in a tree right next to our bathroom window literally feet away. For weeks, I could hear the little squeaks of baby birds and see their little mouths waiting for food from Mama. Then one day we had torrential rain and wind. I watched the mother sitting on those birds, protecting them. Geesh, I am tearing up thinking about it... At the end of the night, I was afraid those birds were dead. In between checking on my own child, I obsessively watched the nest with a fear that I would find dead baby birds. I searched online to ensure that the mother hadn't abandoned her young. I actually created an account on some nest watchers site (which I have since unsubscribed from). Point is, I worry about the young, because I am worrying about my own little baby that I have nurturing in a much bigger nest with a much larger timeline before pushing my young out of it. Note: The mother Robin returned to her nest and they all have since left. I see their empty nest sitting there and am happy that we helped keep a family of birds safe this Spring.

Crazy about Strangers- I was out for ice cream with the baby. A woman lit up a cigarette not only close to about 40 people but legitimately right next to Wes' stroller. I got out of dodge so fast, you'd think I was in a race. A woman outside of Michael's creepily leered into his stroller while I was walking by, with her lit cigarette dangling out of her hand and dangerously close to my baby. She wanted to sit and chat about how tiny he was. I was legitimately rude and blew by her with a thanks, but no thanks attitude. Seriously? What makes people think it's OK to smoke near other people's children?

Another thing about strangers is that I don't know them... and the unknown makes me crazy when my child is involved. The man and I walked to Dunkin' Donuts the other day. It was super busy that morning and while we were waiting for our coffees, a Garda guy was changing money out of an ATM. I zeroed right in on the gun in his holster, you know because he needs a gun with all the cash he carries in and out of places. I immediately created a scenario in my head where someone tried to take advantage of the hustle and bustle of the DD, tried to get the cash, there was a struggle where shots were fired and I had to shield my 7 week old from bullets. A little crazy? Yes. Did I make my husband bring the baby around the corner while I waited for our coffees just in case? Yes.

Crazy Sensitive- Did enough people like my picture of Wes on Instagram for me to feel like people like my new baby? Why didn't so and so congratulate me when the baby was born? Do they not care? I love my baby and so should everyone else... those are the thoughts going through my head. I will take offense to something on behalf of my 7 week old who isn't even offended by his own gas.

A different type of sensitivity...We were catching up on Game of Thrones and I couldn't watch any scenes with babies in it, because if you watch Game of Thrones you know that no one is safe. Those babies are fictional. The baby that was given to the White Walkers was an actor baby. Did it still upset me? Yes. Similarly, the new show on HBO, The Leftovers... first episode, first scene a baby disappears and I was like heeeeeellllllllllll no. Damn you HBO and your riveting, emotion evoking television!

Sleep Deprived Crazy- The things that come along with a newborn involve sleep deprivation which leads to a general type of crazy. I am moody, emotional, loving, tired, hangry. You name it and I have been there in the past two months. I hear babies cry even when there are no babies crying. I am a shell of my former self right now...

Crazy Protective- I have been taking walks with Wes since the pediatrician gave us the go ahead at his two week appointment. Every day, we venture a little further from home since I am trying to lose the baby weight and walking is the best I can do with the time I have right now. Last week, at our normal time, we walked ambitiously far from home. About a mile or so away from home, the dark clouds started rolling in and almost simultaneously my phone blew up with alerts on tornado warnings in my area and to take shelter. Believe me when I tell you that I almost immediately shat my pants for fear that something would happen to the baby. I then in the moment following that feeling, started running with the stroller. Believe me when I tell you that I hadn't run in over a year. On a normal day, I wouldn't have run by choice... but on that day? I am pretty sure I ran a 10 minute mile, and got my baby home right before the rain started and the severe weather came through. On that run, I ran through every scenario I would have had, between knocking on someone's door to seek shelter to having to dodge falling branches. Thankfully none of those scenarios came true but I was willing to do anything to protect my baby. I, of course, balled my eyes out when we were at home. The baby, obvi, was literally all smiles.

Crazy about my Baby- The best kind of crazy of all? It's how crazy in love with my baby that I am. The little man has been my buddy for the past two months, making my heart overflow with every little new thing he does. He is a perfect combination of my husband and me, or so we think. He is the little nugget that keeps me motivated even though I am otherwise a dead tired Moo Cow. He is my angel baby. Motherhood isn't always going to be the cat's pajamas but it's going to be one of the most rewarding things I will do with my life and I have only just begun.


10 comments:

  1. elizabeth swartzJuly 16, 2014 at 9:34 AM

    consider it your new super power. it'll ease up a little over time but that internal alarm will never go away.

    oh - and I'll be back in your neck of the woods the weekend of the 25th. I'd love to smell/meet your baby!! (and I mean that in the least alarming way)

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  2. Love this. I totally wish I were a fly on the wall for a good half of these situations! You're doing an amazing job, no matter how crazy it feels!

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  3. Yes! It's by Solomon Pond, right? I can work in a visit to Target too!

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  4. Its nuts but it wouldn't change it for the world! I owe you an email to check in on you!

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  5. Awww Amanda, I love this. You are amazing.

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  6. Haha! So true and real! I have been thinking about you, wondering how motherhood is treating ya! Glad to know it's all good ;-)

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  7. Welcome the the crazy world of : Motherhood
    Little tip, you just get crazier. xo
    alexiskletjian.com

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  8. You're the best. It's so true. Enjoy every crazy moment mama. Wes is a lucky little man. xoxo

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  9. I am 100% right there with you. Sometimes I almost don't like having J out shopping with me. I don't like having a conversation piece for all the weirdos who want to touch my kid with their dirty hands.

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